reruns... or not

She had been here before, hadn't she? Then why did it look so different? She couldn't recall any familiar impression, any familiar memory. She didn't even remember how she arrived and left the first time. 

It must not be the same place. It must not be the same place.

But if it was the same place, then the end would be in sight. Yet she didn't want this to end. She wanted to stay. She looked around for a place to sit. 

She could stay here, right? Because it wasn't the same place. It's not the same place. 

The other place was poison. The other place was a lie. The other place held on to her and when it finally spit her out, she tried to run away from everything. 

So where was she now? She hadn't found a place to sit yet. It began to scare her. Because she wanted to stay. She wanted to stay so badly. It wasn't the same place. This couldn't be the same place. 

Everything felt so different. 

unexpectations (the task, II)

The task was complete. It was behind her, just another piece of her history. And before her lied a completely unexpected journey.

In a sense, this had been where she was standing along. She had never really abandoned her initial position in life. Her position of love and peace and happiness. Though sometimes these things were clouded from her sight, they were always there. And here she was, again, realizing this was where she was meant to be. 

In a sense, she always knew that the journey before her was hers. Fate has a way of directing us and confirming our path, of dutifully reminding us our identities and showing us why they are beautiful. 

She didn't really know what to do now, and she didn't need to. The unexpectations of life said it all. 

the task

As she lay there, her eyes fighting against the debt of sleep that had been building for days, the last thing she wanted to do was speak what was on her mind. But speak she must, lest she be trapped forever. There was only freedom on the other side, and there was only one way to move forward.

She looked above her. She allowed her eyes to wander a bit, soaking in the worst possible scenes her imagination could produce. None of it mattered. None of it would change a thing. The reality remained that she must speak. 

Her eyes closed. Her breath let out one last heavy sigh as her body resigned to sleep. To rest. She had resolved to do the task. And to postpone it anymore at this point would only be a punishment to herself. 

your eyes

I look and I drown in your eyes

I try to swim

But the current is too strong

You're eyes have locked me into this death trap

Who are you?

Why do you look at me that way?

And what compels to look back

What keeps me from looking away

I feel my lungs begin to collapse

In a few seconds, i will feel no more

But in these last seconds

I remember your eyes

I remember that look that brought me here

To the end

In my last seconds I remember

I drowned in your eyes

pull back

And this is where she pulls back.

The sky is the only thing with no limit, and she is only human; so now she must pause. 

Her limit has been drawn. She has yet to reach it, but she sees it. Until then she exerts everything, all of her energy must be poured out, for the end is in sight. 

Reciprocation has ceased to matter. Expectations are deemed useless. In pessimism she finds a surprising strength: she won't be disappointed. 

And now she moves forward, the conclusion of the whole matter awarding her with freedom. She hates not knowing what comes next, but she's already come so far without the privilege of that knowledge. So it shall continue to be.

Everything feels subdued and peaceful right now. She doesn't not want to be disturbed. She needs no one to push her forward when she has decided to pull back.